“Curmudge, you
are definitely in a black mood today.
Please explain.”
“Although we didn’t name the series of postings at the time,
Julie, today’s discussion is the fifth installment of our series on Dying, Death, Grieving, and Mourning. The first two, Way
to Go and Way to Go
2 were posted right after Mrs. Curmudgeon’s death, and the third, The Old
Men’s Table, was posted three months later. The fourth, The
Almost-Invisible Emotion, was written two years ago but not posted
until last week. So this week’s
posting, Absence, should be the fifth
and—hopefully—the last. Unlike
most of our discussions, these sessions are not fun, but they are good
therapy.”
“Shall we start with the question that most people ask you,
‘How are you doing?’”
“And my usual reply is ’not bad’ or ‘okay.’ And then I add ‘there’s no such thing
as good.’ I suspect that no widow
or widower truly feels that they are living ‘the good life.’ However, each person may have his or
her reason for feeling that way.
There might be people out there who jump for joy, but I don’t see any of
them where I live. In fact, most
of my neighbors probably can’t jump for any reason.”
“Last week (actually two years ago), Curmudge, we ended with
your planning to celebrate the joys that you and Mrs. Curmudgeon shared
together. How did that work out?”
“Not bad, Julie.
It was a pleasure to recall the things we did on our trips to Europe,
but I never want to go back, especially alone.”
“Why not?”
“It would never be the same. A castle would just be a pile of stone, not an
experience. It’s one of those
things that one can’t appreciate until you have been there with someone you
love.”
“Wow, Curmudge!
I wonder if I can talk my couch potato husband into taking a trip to
Europe. So what about those years
when your job required you to live in the Northwest for a month at a time?”
“It was not the good life, Julie, but I felt her presence
from 2,000 miles way. I always
knew the number of days and hours until I could return to Wisconsin. And I could enjoy the views of the
Columbia Gorge for her because I knew
I would share them with her on her next visit to the West.”
“I’m sure that you appreciated being transferred back home,
Old Guy.”
“To say the least.
Then I could sense her presence when she was a mile away at work,
playing the piano in the living room, or reading a book upstairs. It must be something that develops in
the deep recesses of one’s mind during 50 years of marriage.”
“And finally, as the doc pronounced in the ICU, ‘she’s
gone.’ “
“Right as usual, Julie. Yet my sense of her presence did not die with her. During the subsequent year that I lived
in our house, she was everywhere.
Almost everything in the house was in some way hers, and I sensed her
presence—almost as a ghost—everywhere.
So I sold the house, complete with a ghost who wasn’t in the contract.”
“I certainly hope the new owners don’t hear someone playing
the piano in the middle of the night.
Well, Curmudge, how is it now that you live in an apartment in the old
folks home?”
“Once again, Young Lady, I must remind you that it’s not an
old folks home. The apartment is
quite adequate, very quiet, and I get lots of writing done. There is no ghost in residence, but I
sense Mrs. Curmudgeon’s absence. The presence
feeling in the back of my mind has been replaced by an abject emptiness
occupied only by memories. And it
may be here to stay.”
“But you attend shows and other events with your
friends. Don’t they help?”
“They are wonderful therapy and they drive mourning right up
into the theater’s fly space for the whole day. But when I get home, absence
is waiting. It’s no big deal; it
may be living in most of the other apartments in my building.”
“We both know, Old Guy, that our discussions usually end
with a lesson. What is it for
today?”
“It should be obvious, Julie. Death is a part of life. We can accept it as inevitable, but that doesn’t mean that
we have to get comfortable with it.”
Kaizen Curmudgeon
Link to posting from blog archives: Patient Safety—Infections 2 2/05/09
http://kaizencurmudgeon.blogspot.com/2009/02/patient-safety-infections-2.html
No comments:
Post a Comment