Emotional Intelligence 2

“Curmudge, how did you encounter Bradberry and Greaves’ book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (1)?”

“I stumbled on it, Julie, when we were studying habits, which we posted on 10/14/12.  As we’ll soon realize, this emotional intelligence stuff isn’t worth much until it becomes a habit.”

“It isn’t often that one finds something useful purely by chance.  Maybe it helps if one stumbles a lot.”

“Wrong, Julie.  At my age I can’t afford to stumble; I might break something.  So let’s get serious and resume our exploration of emotional intelligence.  We’d better remind the new reader that the four components of emotional intelligence and their definitions can be found in the posting that immediately precedes this one.”

“Self-awareness is the first of the four.  One must pause for a bit and think about what makes himself/herself tick.  The book lists 15 strategies for diagnosing yourself.  We can’t discuss them all, but a very important one is, ‘Know who and what pushes your buttons.’  Curmudge, as a curmudgeon I suspect that most everything pushes your buttons, but what would your buttons be if you were a real person?”

“Poor usage of the English language, ignorance of basic economics and history, use of questionable science for political purposes, and Lean proponents who forget to practice Lean.  And because I know that you will ask, the curmudgeon simply doesn’t practice self-management.   But if he were a real person, he’d be quick to forgive and slow to forget.  Your self-awareness, Julie, is spelled out in the About Me paragraph at the top right of every posting.  And your self-management is whatever the old man who writes this blog says it is.”

“I must admit, Curmudge, that being a fictional person has its advantages and disadvantages.  Now for a real person, the book lists 17 self-management strategies.  Of course, there are the golden oldies, ‘Count to ten,’ and ‘Sleep on it.’  This one is a bit longer, ‘Speak to someone who is not emotionally invested in your problem.’  Here’s one that is not in the book, ‘Think before you act,’ and another one from a departed friend, ‘Don’t cry before you are hurt.’ “

“Strategies for social awareness—looking outward to learn about and appreciate others—come next.  Julie, you’re not going to learn about what’s in someone’s head without paying close attention to the rest of their body, including facial expressions and body language.  And of course, one must listen intently to what the person is saying.”

“So, old geezer, if you are gawking at some sweet young thing, you are just practicing social awareness?”

“Exactly, Julie.  Here are some other strategies from the book’s list of 17, ‘Greet people by name,’ ‘Plan ahead for social gatherings,’ and ‘Go people watching.’  Actually, I tried people watching in an airport a few weeks ago, but everyone appeared to be as bored as I was.”

“Relationship management strategies make up the final part of emotional intelligence.  The book says that all relationships take work, and they propose 17 strategies for making it happen.  Here are a few, ‘Build trust,’ ‘Take feedback well,’ ‘Acknowledge the other person’s feelings,’ ‘Explain your decisions; don’t just make them,’ and ‘Offer a “fix-it” statement during a broken conversation.’  The book explains each of the authors’ proposed strategies in detail.”

“Julie, the only way to acquire and apply these strategies is to practice them until they become habits.  One must be like an athlete, a musician, or any other performer; practice your moves until they are automatic.”

“So, Curmudge, what if one doesn’t have the time or inclination to become a practitioner of social intelligence?  Are there some rules he or she can live by?”

“Of course, Julie.  They can be found in the Bible, the Boy Scout Oath and Law, and in the following Four-Way Test, ‘Is it the truth? Is it fair to all concerned? Will it build goodwill and better friendships? Will it be beneficial to all concerned?’ (2).”

“Hey, Curmudge, if there are so many ways to do the right thing, why do people persist in doing so many things wrong?”

“We said it years ago, Julie.  Doing things wrong often comes naturally.  Doing the right thing requires character.”

Kaizen Curmudgeon

(1) Bradberry, T. and Greaves, J.  Emotional Intelligence 2.0  (2009, available from Amazon).

(2) Rotary International