“It’s been awhile since we had a serious conversation,
Curmudge. A month ago you promised
to continue our series on brain plasticity. Then we became distracted by year-end stuff like holiday
greetings and 2013 archives.”
“More than just those things, Julie. My biggest distraction has been my
coming down with the mother of all colds.
It’s hard to be creative when you are miserable and have no energy. One day I went through a box of tissues
like a tornado through a pile of dry leaves.”
“Okay Snuffy, based on your recent experience, can you tell
me about the alternative medications that should help one prevent or survive a
cold?”
“I’ll mention a few that I have read or heard about, but I
can’t guarantee anything.”
“That’s obvious.
If everything worked as advertised, you wouldn’t have caught a cold
yourself.”
“Actually, the first big obstacle is convincing yourself
that you are actually catching a cold. But just in case you are, gargle with
Scotch (salt water is okay). Then
start taking black elderberry extract (Doc Mack suggests Sambucus). Also echinacea, andrographis, and
pelargonium root extract. Get
plenty of rest, drink lots of water, and suck on zinc gluconate lozenges. If possible, avoid air travel; the
pressure changes you feel in your ears can turn a sniffle into a raging head
cold.”
“I presume that one doesn’t swallow the Scotch after
gargling with it?”
“You’ve got to be kidding.”
“So, Mr. Wizard, what does one do when your defense has
failed, your nose begins to drip, and the virus begins to ravage your body?”
“In one word, suffer. It helps to be young. College students get frequent colds,
but they seem able to maintain their active lifestyle despite the discomfort. Except voice majors; they can’t afford
to catch a cold.”
“You sound as if a cold is devastating to a senior citizen.”
“Excellent word choice, Julie, even though a senior is
usually able to get more rest. So
here are a few things that a person—young or old—might try once he has an
undeniable cold. The local
drugstore has a whole shelf of things that might mitigate your symptoms, but
the cold itself will forge ahead despite your efforts to hide it. Keep taking the exotic remedies listed
above, but I’m uncertain of their effect on a full-blown cold. Because they are expensive, you might
run out of money before you run out of cold. For chest congestion, try a mustard plaster (I remember it
well from my childhood). An
electric heating pad should do the job with less discomfort. Also try honey, lemon juice and whiskey (your
choice) heated up to help your throat and cough.”
“I understand that you have a technique to stanch the flow
from a persistent runny nose, Curmudge.”
“Dissolve a zinc gluconate tablet in an ounce of water. Use a cotton swab to apply the solution
to the inside of your nostrils.
Then sniff. This should be
effective, but one risks losing his sense of smell. A nasal spray with the same ingredient was withdrawn from
the market. It’s clearly a drastic
measure.”
“I must ask, as usual, ‘What’s the bottom line, Old Guy?’ “
“If, in fact, we catch colds from other people, I recommend
living as a solitary monk in a cave on an otherwise uninhabited island in the
Aegean Sea. The alternative is to
live as we presently do and gargle with Scotch.”
Kaizen Curmudgeon
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