“Curmudge, how did you encounter Bradberry and Greaves’
book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0
(1)?”
“I stumbled on it, Julie, when we were studying habits,
which we posted on 10/14/12. As we’ll soon realize, this emotional
intelligence stuff isn’t worth much until it becomes a habit.”
“It isn’t often that one finds something useful purely by
chance. Maybe it helps if one
stumbles a lot.”
“Wrong, Julie.
At my age I can’t afford to stumble; I might break something. So let’s get serious and resume our
exploration of emotional intelligence.
We’d better remind the new reader that the four components of emotional
intelligence and their definitions can be found in the posting that immediately
precedes this one.”
“Self-awareness is the first of the four. One must pause for a bit and think
about what makes himself/herself tick.
The book lists 15 strategies for diagnosing yourself. We can’t discuss them all, but a very
important one is, ‘Know who and what pushes your buttons.’ Curmudge, as a curmudgeon I suspect
that most everything pushes your
buttons, but what would your buttons be if you were a real person?”
“Poor usage of the English language, ignorance of basic
economics and history, use of questionable science for political purposes, and
Lean proponents who forget to practice Lean. And because I know that you will ask, the curmudgeon simply
doesn’t practice self-management.
But if he were a real person, he’d be quick to forgive and slow to
forget. Your self-awareness,
Julie, is spelled out in the About Me paragraph at the top right of every
posting. And your self-management
is whatever the old man who writes this blog says it is.”
“I must admit, Curmudge, that being a fictional person has
its advantages and disadvantages.
Now for a real person, the book lists 17 self-management
strategies. Of course, there are
the golden oldies, ‘Count to ten,’ and ‘Sleep on it.’ This one is a bit longer, ‘Speak to someone who is not emotionally invested in your
problem.’ Here’s one that is not
in the book, ‘Think before you act,’ and another one from a departed friend,
‘Don’t cry before you are hurt.’ “
“Strategies for social awareness—looking outward to learn about and appreciate
others—come next. Julie, you’re
not going to learn about what’s in someone’s head without paying close
attention to the rest of their body, including facial expressions and body
language. And of course, one must
listen intently to what the person is saying.”
“So, old geezer, if you are gawking at some sweet young
thing, you are just practicing social awareness?”
“Exactly, Julie.
Here are some other strategies from the book’s list of 17, ‘Greet people
by name,’ ‘Plan ahead for social gatherings,’ and ‘Go people watching.’ Actually, I tried people watching in an
airport a few weeks ago, but everyone appeared to be as bored as I was.”
“Relationship management strategies make up the final part
of emotional intelligence. The
book says that all relationships take work, and they propose 17 strategies for
making it happen. Here are a few,
‘Build trust,’ ‘Take feedback well,’ ‘Acknowledge the other person’s feelings,’
‘Explain your decisions; don’t just make them,’ and ‘Offer a “fix-it” statement
during a broken conversation.’ The
book explains each of the authors’ proposed strategies in detail.”
“Julie, the only way to acquire and apply these strategies
is to practice them until they become habits. One must be like an athlete, a musician, or any other
performer; practice your moves until they are automatic.”
“So, Curmudge, what if one doesn’t have the time or
inclination to become a practitioner of social intelligence? Are there some rules he or she can live
by?”
“Of course, Julie.
They can be found in the Bible, the Boy Scout Oath and Law, and in the
following Four-Way Test, ‘Is it the truth? Is it fair to all concerned? Will it
build goodwill and better friendships? Will it be beneficial to all concerned?’
(2).”
“Hey, Curmudge, if there are so many ways to do the right
thing, why do people persist in doing so many things wrong?”
“We said it years ago, Julie. Doing things wrong often comes naturally. Doing the right thing requires
character.”
Kaizen Curmudgeon
(1) Bradberry, T. and Greaves, J. Emotional Intelligence
2.0 (2009, available from
Amazon).
(2) Rotary International
